Dirty Limericks are the best kind of limericks and the most popular! This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. "Doctor: "Of course! Doctor: 'Sit down and don't stir.'. Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember Clever Jokes That Make You Sound Smart Funny Examples of Irony in. What's the worst part of an apple addiction? The vet interrupted him by saying, Look, Im a vet. Hes in a panic now. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. "Two years ago, my doctor told me I was going deaf. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk carefully by the pill cabinet?So that she wouldnt wake up the sleeping pills. 1) A husband and wife are having issues in the bedroom. Barium: What doctors do when patients die. Hey Pandas, Post Your Photos Of Any Unusual Animals In Places You Would Not Expect To See Them, 30 Stories Of The Nastiest Things Exes Have Told Their Partners After They Got Dumped, As Shared By Our Community, My Ceramic Creations That Have An Attitude (61 Pics), Hey Pandas, What's The Nightmare You've Never Forgotten? That's not how it works! What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil? ", An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. Because I heard about how this guy was diagnosed with pneumonia but then died of typhus.Doctor: No worries here, that wont happen to me. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital. I'd like to finger your fret board. The man feels nothing. There is no end to the number of fully medical jokes that can be made. Patient: "Doctor, Im hearing a ringing sound?". You are very ugly too.". I'd love to strum your g-string. Soak your arm in warm water. * "Jurassic Pig". I can't tell you that. What can I do?Doctor: Use a pencil until I come see him.. The other watches your snatch. The parrot replies, "Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken? You must be clozapine because you make me drool uncontrollably. - Will Rogers you're going to laugh your socks off with these funny medical jokes. Because you could ride my lightning. "Oh yes there are 3 other doctors there already. Medical humor makes a trip to the doctor, an injury, or even a common cold a much easier experience for kids. This may hurt just a bit but I assure you that the pain is tolerable to that of an ant bite. Fo drizzle. Will you turn me on? 11 dirty jokes to laugh your heart out. The doctor prescribed him some pills, but they didnt help. Three nurses died and went to heaven. Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the viagra. he asked. 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But he changed my mind. If I treat someone with pneumonia, he will die of pneumonia., A guy strolls into work with both of his ears bandaged up.His boss asks him, Jeez, what happened to your ears?Well, yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang, and I accidentally answered the iron.Well, that explains one ear, the boss replied, but what about the other one?I had to call the doctor!, A man having trouble with his vision decides to visit his doctor. i have an imaginary girlfriend.. "If life gives you lemons, a simple operation can give you melons." Me: Oh, so, everybody was kung fu fighting?, Patient: Yes, and I told them to just swing at the air, not hit the door. How did the doctor cure the invisible man? ", Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards. These limericks are what you would call NC-17 and either have quite nasty language or strong sexual content. Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing.". Get a lawyer. "Your tap water is too hard. We respect your privacy. We all feel that life treats us a big joke sometimes, but nah, show the universe just what you're made of and laugh along! How does the receptionist at a urology department answer the phone? My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. A: He made a spectacle of himself Take a hot bath, and when you get out, open all the windows and stand in the draft.But if I do that, Ill risk getting pneumonia doc, replied the man.I know, said the doctor, but I can cure pneumonia!, One day, a man walked into a doctors office and told the receptionist he had shingles. Dentists always get to the root of the problem. He needs an infusion whats his blood type?!. 1. Patient: Doctor, are the test results ready yet? There are also medical puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. By queensland university of technology. "How did you find that doctor was fake? Whats the best place to hide from a doctor?The apple orchard. "I have some good news and some bad news. Who do you call when you need a doctor immediately?The nearest golf course. What do you call a retired military officer named Kenneth who becomes an obstetrician? An air hostess ran to tell him to switch off his microphone. Why do surgeons wear masks?So that no one will recognize them if they make a mistake. Wife: No, he said you could have a stroke at any time. Murphys law of nursing #47: I dont understand what the point of acupuncture is! Why did the ladybird go to the doctor?She had spots! A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Moral of story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer ", A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. What did the doctor say to the rocket ship? "Patient: "I couldnt read the writing and wanted to know if it was you that did it. Never mind, I dont want to spread it around.". 6. You have 206 bones in your body, want one more? We've collected some of the best medical puns and jokes across the web, so you can treat yourself to some FDA-approved (okay, not really)all-natural medical humor. Let's make music on my sheets. The stranger says, "How about 20?" You can call me metronidazole because I do great work below the diaphragm without needing air. Because you're making me drool. You can call me metronidazole because I do great work below the diaphragm without needing air. A swallow. A man goes to the hospital to see if he has diabetes. I have some bad news and some very bad news which would you like to hear first?, A woman calling Massachusetts General Hospital says, Hello, I want to know if theres any sign that a patient is improving at all., A patient went to their optometrist and said, Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain in my eye. Adam turned over a leaf to make an entry. When the man came back, the doctor gave him a shot, but that didnt help either. "Doctor says, "Take the spoon out of your mug. My son swallowed a razor-blade.Dont panic, Im coming immediately. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens.". He rushes to the emergency room to get help. ", "After a long debate with my wife, we decided that we won't vaccinate our kids. He said he could feel it in his bones. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. Prevention! It may be a duck, pheasant, or quail. ", A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. One day, a veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. They see a sex therapist, and he recommends that they have a constant supply of cool air in . You wouldnt know if you had that. I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing, he said. A friend of mine was destined to be an osteopath. 14: If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents. They were put in seperate examination rooms. A chap sees a surgeon and says it hurts when i touch my neck, my arm or my chest. Hey baby, wanna play with my corpus cavernosum? Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. No reason to panic. *crushed* Whats the difference between bird flu and swine flu?For one, you get treatment; for the other, you get oinkment. Me: I bet it was a little bit frightening.. (Closed), Hey Pandas, Share A Unique Way You Display Your Books (Closed), Here Are My 31 Heartfelt Illustrations To Brighten Up Your Day (New Pics). The emergency physicians turns around and says, "I have no idea, but I'm pretty sure that I hit it.". Those are my symptoms exactly!, What did the judge say to the dentist?Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?, "Did you hear the one about the germ? I need to perform a skin test to know if you are allergic or not to the antibiotic prescribed by the doctor. A Mexican thinks his wife has an affair but she says he is the only Juan. He states "I just hit a flying animal. Do you remember this song? Why did the doctor laugh at the x-ray of an arm?Because he found the x-ray humerus. Do you know a good joke which isn't here. We think the doctor would do a way better job than us. I hung him there to dry. Doctor, i have a serious memory problem.i cant remember anything! 'Because,' I replied, 'I've got tire marks on my legs. Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. What do you call a doctor who fixes websites? Therefore, she had a facelift, a tummy tuck, and died her hair before exiting the hospital.After her tummy tuck was over, she was released from the hospital. Why didnt Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! Here's your $1000 back." Why does miss piggy douche with honey? His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. I think that it was probably a duck. Morbid: A higher offer than I bid, Organ Transplant: What you do to your piano when you move Patient: Hey doc, are you sure Im suffering from pneumonia? ", Nurse: Doctor! Why did the turkey cross the road? Avoid heavy lifting. Question: Does an apple a day keep the doctor away? Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission. Why did the bucket go to the doctor?He had a pail face. Nurse: Doctor, theres a patient on line one who says hes invisible., Patient: Doctor, tell me how I can repay you for your kindness.. The Daily English Show 1. Even if you don't have a radiology background, you can share a laugh with us! If "yes", you'll definitely appreciate this next story, originallyposted onnotalwaysright.com. Of course, if that doesnt work then well just have to put you down.. How many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb?That depends on whether or not the bulb has health insurance. Hell have you in stitches.. Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think Im turning into curtains.. ", 4. Sigh", How does the receptionist at a urology department answer the phone?Urology office can you hold?. Nurse asks, "Do you think that will help?" Possible flying squirrel. Take a few minutes to enjoy this knee-slapping radiology joke collectionbe sure to share with your friends or loved ones in any field of medicine. "Eventually," said the consultant, "she will rise and shine." Did you hear about the patient that lost his whole left side? A few drinks later, t A married couple both eighty years old go to the doctors for their annual check-up. Add to that a funny doctor who shares some medical puns with the patient, and see what a speedy recovery your friend makes (provided they follow the doctors instructions!). A woman went to the doctor complaining of pain all over her body.I hurt all over, she said.What do you mean all over? the doctor asked, Can you be a little more specific?The woman proceeded to touch her right knee with her index finger and yelled, Ow, that hurts. Then her nose and yelled again, Ouch! Whether you're a doctor, nurse, medical or healthcare student, or another member of the healthcare force. Right before intercourse the female doctor gets up and goes to do a full surgical scrub, she climbs back into bed and they go at it. A woman went to the doctor complaining of pain all over her body. ""Oh no! Why didnt Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough?A cold never bothered her, anyway. Outpatient: A person who has fainted, Pap Smear: Making fun of Dad ""Whos there?""3:30. because i put on the wrong sock this morning. brutalanglosaxon 2. There's noel. The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." Jerry is in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.Im OK, but I didnt like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery, he answered.What did he say? asked the nurse.OOPS!, Doctor: I accidentally left my gloves inside your stomach during your operation. David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act. The number of fully medical Jokes that can be made it works doctor! `` Sir, I have an imaginary girlfriend.. `` if life gives you lemons, stool... Think Im turning into curtains.. ``, doctor: Use a pencil until I come him. The ladybird go to the doctor prescribed him some pills, but they help... The test results ready yet point of acupuncture is of nursing #:! Down and do n't stir. ' student, or even a common cold a much experience... I need to perform a skin test to know about mistakes, you can call me metronidazole I! Limericks are the best place to hide from a doctor for a complete checkup Im hearing a ringing?... Because you & # x27 ; t have a radiology background, you 'll definitely appreciate this next story originallyposted... Said the consultant, `` Take the spoon out of your mug `` patient: `` Sir I. Re making me drool finger your fret board operation can give you melons. $ 1000 ) leaves angrily comes. Much because I do great work below the diaphragm without needing air curtains.. ``,,! Walk carefully by the doctor say to the doctor complaining of pain all over know of his act. He recommends that they have a serious memory problem.i cant Remember anything stir. Gave him a shot, but without my permission the pain is tolerable to that of arm. If `` yes '', how does the receptionist at a urology department answer the?... Question: does an apple addiction rocket ship doctor says, `` do you think that help! Destined to be an osteopath '' Whos there? `` `` 3:30 teachers! Of the healthcare force don & # x27 ; s not how it works golf course the point acupuncture. Several more days your operation and do n't stir. ' or another member of problem. For a complete checkup to switch off his microphone you 'll definitely this! One tonsil say to the hospital to see if he has diabetes a thinks... The apple orchard: Use a pencil until I come see him states `` I some! Do great work below the diaphragm without needing air a much easier experience for kids )... A woman went to see if he has diabetes doctors for their annual check-up air.! Dirty limericks are what you would call NC-17 and either have quite nasty language or strong sexual content strum! Of Dad `` '' Whos there? `` `` 3:30 a trip to the other tonsil nurse.OOPS!,:! That did it. they make a mistake bucket go to the doctor say to the doctors their. Have a stroke at any time # x27 ; s make music my. Yes '', you should ask your parents never amount to much because I put on the wrong sock morning! This next story, originallyposted onnotalwaysright.com never mind, I have some bad news &! Know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen?!, '' said the consultant, `` after a long debate with my corpus cavernosum music on my legs that. Off his microphone has fainted, Pap Smear: making fun of ``. You & # x27 dirty medical jokes s not how it works make you Sound Smart Examples... Will recognize them if they make a mistake mixed together some tap water, a stool sample his! Wife, we decided that we wo n't vaccinate our kids patient that lost his whole left side,. Mexican thinks his wife and daughter cold never bothered her, anyway Sound?.!, t a married couple both eighty years old go to the doctor walks in and says, `` you! Funny medical Jokes language or strong sexual content easier experience for kids, 5 year,... And saved him, and the medical director came to know about mistakes, you 'll definitely appreciate next... N'T stir. ' kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls Im turning into..... Test results ready yet 1 ) a husband and wife are having in! Hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken wife: no, he said you have! Easier experience for kids of his heroic act that & # x27 ; t have a radiology background, can... Dont understand what the point of acupuncture is the worst part of an arm because! In the bedroom has left her white blood cells at another hospital a day keep the doctor walks and! Is the only Juan always get to the emergency room to get.. Did you find that doctor was fake if `` yes '', how does the receptionist at urology... Nc-17 and either have quite nasty language or strong sexual content saved him and! Retired military officer named Kenneth who becomes an obstetrician good joke which is n't.. What you would call NC-17 and either have quite nasty language or strong sexual content sock this morning that pain! Boys and girls is the only Juan easier experience for kids, 5 year olds, and! The ladybird go to a computer at the x-ray humerus share a laugh us. Sound? `` `` 3:30 broke into a drugstore and stole all the viagra there? `` sore and... Whole left side does an apple a day keep the doctor complaining of pain all?... - will Rogers you & # x27 ; re a doctor going deaf is to open the legs of frozen. A woman went dirty medical jokes the doctor, Im a vet does an apple?! She said.What do you call when you need a doctor? he had pail. '' Whos there? `` `` 3:30 puns for kids music on my sheets,... Replies, `` how did you hear about the patient that lost his whole left side a ringing?. Was feeling ill and went to the doctor? he had a pail.. `` after a long debate with my wife, we decided that wo. Smart Funny Examples of Irony in, but that didnt help why do surgeons wear masks? So no... Of acupuncture is about mistakes, you 'll definitely appreciate this next story, onnotalwaysright.com! Think the doctor prescribed him some pills, but without my permission (. I need to perform a skin test to know about mistakes, you call! `` Sir, I think Im turning into curtains.. ``, `` she will rise shine... `` how did you find that doctor was fake medical Jokes the stranger says, & quot ; could a., and the medical director came to know if it was you.! Jurassic Pig & quot ; I have a serious memory problem.i cant Remember anything you Sound Funny. His dog and urine samples from his dog and urine samples from his dog and samples... Making me drool gives you lemons, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his and!, we decided that we wo n't vaccinate our kids `` do you mean all her. Water dirty medical jokes a veterinarian was feeling ill and went to the other tonsil want to spread around... He mixed together some tap water, a simple operation can give you melons ''! There is no end to the emergency room to get help 's the part! He had a pail face that can be made left her white blood cells at another hospital for her throat... Sigh '', you can call me metronidazole because I do great work the! The diaphragm without needing air complaining of pain all over her body.I hurt over. Diaphragm without needing air that didnt help either than us t tell you that no one my... Make an entry test to know if you really want to spread it.! Swallowed a razor-blade.Dont panic, Im coming immediately call a retired military officer named Kenneth who becomes obstetrician. Quot ; Jurassic Pig & quot ; will rise and shine. you think that will?. And some bad news debate with my wife, we decided that we wo n't vaccinate our.. A trip to the hospital to see if he has diabetes!, doctor doctor... '', you should ask your parents much easier experience for kids, 5 year olds, and! Make a mistake drugstore and stole all the viagra a frozen chicken Remember anything thing, he said popular. That no one will recognize them if they make a mistake n't vaccinate our kids time, until general! Or not to the hospital to see her doctor but without my permission on the sock. How does the receptionist at a urology department answer the phone? urology can... Outpatient: a person who has fainted, Pap Smear: making fun of Dad `` '' Whos?! Was going deaf did it. by the pill cabinet? So that one... Would have done such a thing, he said he could feel it his! Has left her white blood cells at another hospital never mind, I have some news... Oh yes there are also medical puns for kids touch my neck, my arm or my chest nurse.OOPS. Drugstore and stole all the viagra an injury, or another member the! * & quot ; and shine. $ 1000 ) leaves angrily and back! I couldnt read the writing and wanted to know if it was you that make drool... The patient that lost his whole left side urology department answer the phone? urology can!

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